Seeing the world from a different angle....

....we can take this quite literally when we are doing backbends! I have been working on my dropbacks and standing up from backbends for many months now in my Mysore practice. It has been a long, often frustrating journey. And some days, I feel like I have made little progress. I now see the value in traditional Mysore practice for this specific reason: it allows you to confront yourself head on. You are forced to deal with all your emotions, insecurities, strengths, weaknesses.....and it is your choice whether you push through those difficult times & come out of the valley & back up to the next peak. Or, you can stop. In the end, it's your choice. In the end, you are fully accountable.

With these backbends, I have struggled to find the point in dropping back & standing up because until yesterday, I never FELT anything extraordinary from them......and I don't see the value in pushing the physical body just to achieve a pose purely because it is part of the traditional primary series sequence. I don't want to injure my body long term. However, I am aware of my body's limits now (another benefit of any regular yoga practice) - and I guess my gut was telling me just to push on with it.

So, after about a month's rest from the backbending saga (it really has felt like a saga at times!), I got back at it this week. And yesterday, I felt an opening in my upper thoracic that I have never felt before. It felt REALLY good. Harmony told me to visualize my back as the curve of a candy cane...and for some reason, that worked for me.

I'm not at the place where I can achieve that feeling consistently each time I do a dropback....but just knowing that feeling now exists .....that gave me the push I needed to continue again this morning.

I guess that extra boost helped prepare me to cope with what happened today. I fell on my head trying to stand up........yes, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later!

At the end of the day, I don't see it as a bad thing. Sure, I was stunned for a bit, but not physically hurt or injured. Maybe just my pride a bit as I sat there & REALLY cried in the studio full of fellow practitioners for about 10 minutes. Jeff told me it was good & necessary for all of that to come out. And he is right. I have been holding so much frustration & resentment at times to this part of my practice & today was the opening I needed to free all of those thoughts.

Now, I can move forward. I have acknowledged some of my fears.....of course, more are sure to come.......but I will deal with those as they arise.

..............And so continues the peak & valley journey of an ashtangi's practice!...........